just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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