ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
