Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
