I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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