god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
