I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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