I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
