I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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