I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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