i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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