Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize