Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
