I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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