shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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