I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
They are going to name an STD after you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
