false alarm. still invincible.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
