**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Randomize
