so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
