That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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