I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
