Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
