i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just threw up on my dentist
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
