why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's always time for handjobs
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
