After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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