You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
