Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize