i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
