The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
