there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
