i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
