ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
