fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
