Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
