im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
