I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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