I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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