I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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