You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
