what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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