dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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