remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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