please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
