Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize