i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
