The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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