that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
