the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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