yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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