We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
