Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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