please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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