so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
