bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
