Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
