I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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