He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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