Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
