Jerry, you need to find god
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
