she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
