some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
