Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
