You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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