and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
