Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
