oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize