Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
