she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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