If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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