11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
how can u be prego again
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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