I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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