Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
FUCK WHALES
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
