Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
